Babies?

I've been working one of my favorite jobs for a full year now. My employer keeps telling me she feels like she's getting away with something every time I come over... and my wards say "Shoe." Yes, my lovely children, babysitting is a fun job. Most of the time.

Last night I covered "sleepytime" while the Parents went out for dinner. However, the departure was so delayed that sleepytime came before the Parents left. They decided to put the kids to sleep themselves (SCORE.) Sammy, the 4-year-old, is a prince. He crawled in bed and stayed there, quiet as a mouse. Good man. Millie... a little monster at 18 months... cottoned on to the idea that when she fell asleep, Mama and Dada were going away. So she screamed her little curly blond head off. After about 10 minutes of ear-piercing wails, the Parents plunked her in my lap and said, "Toodles! We're off!" Kudos, Parents. I applaud you.

Millie got to stay up with the big kids for a while, which pleased her to no end. Her older brothers, 19 and 21, enjoy long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners and being covered from head to toe with stuffed animals, apparently. Sorry, ladies, they're taken. Millie was exhausted, but nobody tell her that. Millie had two and a half bottles and two pizza bones before she finally started crying... when I sang the sleepytime song.

I'd had enough of that.

"Millie, it's sleepytime, no matter how hard you cry."

"Nee' Mama!"

"Mama's on a date, you got me kid."

"Nee' Sammy!!"

"You want Sammy?"

"*hiccup* Yeah..."

Fast talking, Kat, fast talking. "Well, Sammy is asleep and if you want to be with Sammy you have to fall asleep so you can dream together."

She looked at me like I was crazy, a new look I swear she developed just for me. But two lines into "The Three Little Pigs" she was out like a light, two full hours after sleepytime. She didn't even open her eyes when I put her in the crib.

Washing my hands of the two snoring children, I took up my grandma project, crocheting, and endeavored to finish a row before the Parents came home. The brothers had disappeared as soon as Mt. Millie erupted. I had the place to myself...

All of a sudden, I hear "It's Learning Time! Woof woof! It's Learning Time! Woof Woof! Play with me!"

I thought maybe Sammy had woken up to play when I came in with Millie. I came back into the bedroom, and saw a satanic red light in the playpen.

Lucifer's Toy has awoken.

This "Learning Time" puppy, possessed by the devil, continued to make ridiculous amounts of noise until I picked him up by the ear and dragged him into the kitchen. Peeling off his velcro back parts, I turned that sucker off.

Peace and Quiet. Thank goodness. Ten stitches more and the Parents walked in, glad to have a few hours away from the Monsters. I drove home, thinking "My job here is done."

Moral: No matter how much you love babies, they're devilish little suckers. And toys that make noise should be banned.